Nobody wins when the family feuds.

The refrain in Jay Z’s Family Feud is the perfect theme to begin another year of Black History Month. Nobody wins when the family feuds“.

Today we’re reflecting on self-hate. We’re thinking about the magic that could happen if there was more unity within groups of similar traits, interests or backgrounds – between women, within a race, between mothers, within a culture. Without underestimating the value of uniting differences let’s focus on similarities for a minute.

Example 1

Black on black racism. Too often, racism is seen as a social phenomenon that happens to black people. But it happens through black people as well. That is, the negative associations thrust upon black people and black culture can color how we black people view each other. Blacks and whites receive the same narratives and images that perpetuate stereotypes of black criminality and flippancy while synonymizing white culture with American values. It is to be expected that there will be an observable impact on black intra-group perceptions. Is there?

Example 2

Women against women. “I find that the majority of female criticism actually stems from feeling inadequate in an area of life they value highly. In other words, she’s not critical of other women because she thinks less of them; she is covetous of what they have instead. … I see that the pressure women feel from men and the media to fit a certain physical type of thinness and beauty gets transformed to the point that they turn it on each other. Do we?

MOCCA Mums, How can we get past negative associations, the stereotypes, the childhood baggage, the anxiety, the envy? Everyone wants to win, and everyone will – but at different times. Perhaps progress will be quicker if we worked together as a team? A team that enhances the similarities shared and exchanges the differences. Without this approach and mindset no one will win and history will always be the present.

Nobody wins when the family feuds.

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